I am alone

Typical livejournal blog, but I don't give a fuck because no one reads this.

I have become so lost in life. I've kinda brushed school aside, I broke up with a girl that I didn't love... which I guess is a good thing in the end, but I led that relationship on for over a year. It has only been almost 2 weeks and I'm already making a mistake by talking to someone new. She is beautiful and she seems nice, but I just don't want to do anything with anyone.

I want to sit in my room, get all of the tears out of me and try to readjust my life. School needs to be my main focus. I need to get my GPA back up so when I graduate I can go on to grad school and look for a decent job. Not because society tells me I need to do so, but because I want that life for myself. I am the only person that can make it happen. I know I have the capability, but it is just so hard to make myself do it. I know, first world problems, huh?

Right now, I fucking hate myself. I don't know what to do about this new girl. I can't rush into another relationship, or I'll surely go off the deep end. Plus, I'm tired of hurting.

I'm broke. I'm tired. I'm depressed. I'm confused. I feel like this blog post will serve no real purpose other than getting some venting off of my chest.

Thank you to the awesome movies I watch and the depressing music I listen to for making me feel slightly better. And to a select few friends, thank you for being there for me. I know you all have your own shit to deal with, so when you make time to deal with my shit, I know that I can truly call you a good friend. And my family. I love all of you so very much, and I'm sorry I've never been the best son. Iknow you guys deserve a lot more love out of me, and I don't call my brother and sister as much as I'd like... but you guys are always in my heart and I miss you guys so much. Glenn, I really wish you could be here right now.

I sit here, crying as I type this. Just so confused as to what to do next. I have a date tonight that I'm having second thoughts about. But, I'm too much of a pushover to say anything. I don't want to hurt somebody else's feelings and it puts that much more pressure on my own feelings. That is all I can feel right now. An enormous amount of pressure.

You won't find love in a hole. It takes more than fucking someone to keep yourself warm.

As for everything else, fuck you.